Spanning several decades, I’ve had plenty of existential moments pondering “why am I even here?” or “what am I supposed to be doing with my ‘one wild and precious life’” (did Mary Oliver even know how many of us truly do ponder that question from her poem “The Summer Day?”).
The pressure to know and then live out my reason for being often overwhelmed me. I felt so grateful to be given this life and the many blessings I enjoyed. What was I supposed to be doing with these gifts?
I had yet to uncover my purpose. But once I did, other questions I’d been pondering also now had answers. My path became clearer and success has been much more sustainable.
Purpose: a cornerstone and compass
My framework for sustainable success includes values, strengths, purpose and then momentum.Values and strengths help us discover who we are; the fourth, momentum, helps us move forward… but in what direction? Purpose gives us that direction. It’s a valuable compass to keep us on the path of success, of being our True Self..
What is purpose?
In dictionaries, purpose is generally defined as the reason something exists. Might be easy enough to define the purpose of things, like a light bulb or sofa, but when it comes to the reason we each exist? Whoa. That’s heading towards some deep, existential water.
But we don’t have to get too deep to discover our purpose. It can be as simple as defining how you make the world a better place. Simple, but maybe not easy.
If that still feels pretty overwhelming, think about your purpose as it relates to one of your roles, say as a parent, or spouse, or at your job. You can even just think about what you could do to improve someone else’s day: what is your purpose today?
I love how Michael Gervais, sports performance psychologist, describes ‘purpose.’ He says it needs to be:
- Bigger than you
- Uniquely yours (and matters to you)
- Future oriented
That core framework can be applied to any sort of purpose – from what your purpose might be for the day, or for your role as a parent, to what your purpose is for this stage in your life.
How to discover your purpose
Enter that phrase in your favorite internet search bar and you’ll get so many different answers it’s hard to know where to start. From weekend retreats, to online workshops, books, articles there’s no shortage of options.
What they all have in common though is the importance of our own voice. Our purpose can’t be what our parents expect us to do, what our spouse wants us to do, what our culture says we ‘should’ be doing. We’ve got to be still and quiet, willing to listen to what our True Self has to say. Who we are and what our purpose is already exists. It’s a matter of reducing the external noise so we can tune in to our internal beacons.
Mediation, journaling, quiet solitary walks, a solo drive in the country are all wonderful ways to carve out time and space for a meeting with yourself.
Once you have that time and space, think about what activities bring you joy, talents which are uniquely yours, how you uplift others without even trying, activities which you feel driven to do, like you can’t imagine a day without __________________.
You can then think about what vision you have for your future, your family’s future, your community’s future.
Four Steps To Purpose
One of my favorite purpose exercise puts all this in four simple steps. Write down your answer to these three questions:
- What are the top one or two strengths or values you enjoy expressing?
- What are one or two ways you enjoy using those to help others?
- Describe your ideal world, one in which is full of joy – how are people interacting with each other?
- Then take those answers and put them together into a sentence or two.
For instance, here are my answers:
- Curiosity and kindness
- Getting kindly curious about the person I’m with, illuminating their brilliance
- An ideal world would have people being their best self as they grow and support each other in their meaningful pursuits
- My purpose is to get to know and then illuminate people’s brilliance so they can be their best selves as they support and contribute to their family, friends and communities
This purpose keeps me centered, especially when I feel like I might be losing momentum or when I’m dealing with frustrating challenges. I absolutely know my talents are best used when I’m serving others and in a connected, personal way. So if I’m feeling a bit lost I look for ways to get back to that path as soon as possible.
My values and strengths help me decide how to express this purpose. And my work as a coach is my vehicle to deliver this purpose. It all dovetails so nicely – each aspects works together to build up that strong foundation for sustainable success.
