Subtitled: Tools for talking when the stakes are high
This was written by a group of five people, and yet for being written by a group, this book definitely has a solid stance on high-stakes conversions. In fact, it’s become a pillar in the leadership and coaching space. It’s a classic. I first came across this book during my own coaching training and have kept it close at hand ever since.
Why is this such a classic? The frameworks they provide for high-stake conversations. They are very thorough. They are based on science AND real-life scenarios. And they work.
These frameworks have been tested for years. They have even courses to take and certifications to earn for those who want to train others on handling high-stakes – CRUCIAL – conversations.
I can see why they have courses and workshops for these frameworks – there are a lot of them. From remembering what a “crucial” conversation is to how to pick the right topic, to how to have the actual dialogue, they have so many amazing tools for us to use.
For instance there’s one called State My Path which is a tool we’re to use as we start a crucial conversation.
STATE stands for
SHARE your facts
TELL your story
ASK for others’ path
TALK tentatively
ENCOURAGE testing.
Just one example of the dozens of tools they’ve developed.
But for as awesome as their tools are, I love looking at the big picture here – what is at the heart of handling a high-stakes conversation according to this team of scientists, coaches and facilitators?
To me the big takeaway is creating SHARED MEANING. When all parties involved can come together – especially in times of stress – with a clear understanding of the current situation, what everyone is wanting to achieve and then discussing these in a way that’s safe for everyone – that’s shared meaning. We are sharing the meaning behind and for the conversation, we are sharing the way in which it happens and we are sharing the path forward – the next steps.
This type of approach to crucial conversations brings about big changes in our workplace conversations as well as those in our personal lives as we see in the many examples the authors provide….of all sorts of real-life conversations. It’s fascinating to see these tools in action… in the book itself and in the ways I’ve been able to bring some of the tools into my own work and home.
If you’d like to go into your next high-stake conversation with structure instead of stress, I absolutely recommend this book.
Have you read it already? Is it a part of your company’s training library? Let me know! I’d love to hear your top takeaways!
