Subtitled: The psychology of persuasion
This book is legendary. It’s been around since 1984 and shows up on almost every business or marketing must-read list. Cialdini lays out six principles of influence—like reciprocity, scarcity, authority, and social proof—and explains how people are persuaded, often without even realizing it.
So why am I doing a contrarian take?
Because while I appreciate the legacy of this book, I don’t think it holds up in the same way today. Especially if you’re someone—like many of my clients—who’s trying to lead with integrity, not manipulation.
Let me explain.
First, many of Cialdini’s examples and tactics come from a very transactional era—think sales tactics, compliance techniques, and tricks to get people to say yes. That might have flown in the ‘80s and ‘90s, but in today’s world? People are more skeptical. More guarded. More resistant to being nudged or gamed.
Second, there’s a big difference between influence and connection. And this book, as groundbreaking as it was, is squarely focused on the former. It’s about persuasion as a lever. Not relationship as a foundation.
That matters. Because when I’m coaching clients—especially those navigating mid-career pivots or learning how to communicate with more clarity and confidence—they aren’t looking for scripts or Jedi mind tricks. They’re trying to be understood. To be real. To express themselves without second-guessing or over-polishing.
Here’s what I will say: Influence is a fantastic lens for understanding what’s being done to us. It raises your awareness. You’ll start noticing these principles in sales emails, webinars, and even political campaigns.
But using these tools with people—especially as a leader, a collaborator, or a communicator? That takes more than a principle. It takes presence. Emotional intelligence. And a deep respect for the person on the other side of the conversation.
So yes—read Influence if you want to understand the mechanics. But don’t stop there.
Influence without connection is manipulation. But influence built on clarity, curiosity, and care? That’s the kind of leadership we need more of.
Have you read Influence? Did it hit different for you? I’d love to hear your top takeaways!
