Top Takeaway:
Having a strong sense of self is the key to not worrying about what others think about me.
Overview
The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worry About What People Think of You was written by Michael Gervais, PhD. He’s a high performance coach and psychologist who’d worked with NFL teams, Olympians, world record setters and brings his approach to the corporate world as well, consulting with companies like Microsoft.
His podcast “Finding Mastery” is one of my favorites and is how I found out about this book. I pre-ordered it, then was selected to receive an advanced copy, which is how I’m able to give my take on the book, here on the day it gets released.
So I’m a believer in the right teachers coming to us when we’re ready to hear their message, but man, I do wish I’d had this book and these tools a few years ago when my self-esteem and confidence was at one of the lowest points in my 50-plus years.
Dr. Mike defines FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions) then gives us those tools I mentioned so we can address that fear. He uses stories and academic studies to illustrate the various aspects
I’ve got so many notes and highlights – this truly has been a read through full of a-ha moments. And since FOPO touches all of us at some degree, I see this book being a reference for my coaching clients as well as for my own personal growth.
One concept that’s really stuck with me – my top takeaway – is how we frame our identities can be such a high-speed on-ramps to FOPO.
Here’s a passage on page 72 which illustrates the dangers of a performance-based identity:
The pursuit of excellence and high performance is important. We learn about ourselves by doing difficult things and testing the boundaries of our perceived limits
But when the core motivation of pursuing excellence is proving our self-worth, mistakes, failures, opinions and criticism are experienced as threats rather than learning opportunities.
He goes on to say a little further along
We long for acceptance and belonging but believe those needs can be met only if our performance meets or exceeds expectations.
Wow – that really hit home for me. A few years ago I was definitely in that performance identity mindset. I was experiencing failure and I thought that meant I was a failure.
Dr. Mike helps us see how our value comes from our being not our doing.
So if you or someone you know worries so much about what others are thinking that true self is hidden then definitely read this book and let me know what your top takeaways are.
