Have you ever thought about where your ideas of success come from? I mean REALLY get down into the meat of the matter?
When you think of someone who’s “successful,” what about them and their situation defines them in that way to you?
I would imagine those success markers you might be thinking of likely involve possessions, power or prestige. These are what our culture (here in the U.S.) and western society have ingrained in us for generations.
We’re supposed to have the right house in the right neighborhood, with fancy cars/trucks in the driveways. Our clothes need to be what’s fashionable. Job titles should sound impressive. Our calendars are supposed to be full – social events, client meetings, kids’ practices. Vacations are to be Instagram-worthy.
Yet as we attain these standard success markers, studies show we actually feel worse, not better. These successes might feel good for a moment or two, but then we end up yearning for the next thing to distract us, to show the world that we’ve made it. Is our life meant to be this hamster wheel of striving for the next level house? The fancier car, the more impressive vacation?
What if we shifted our success markers to more lasting and fulfilling endeavors?
Possessions, pride, prestige and other milestones society wants us to pursue usually fall in the extrinsic realm – we’re motivated to pursue them based on external reasons. We want the recognition, the worldly rewards, the social rank. These are the ones which might feel good for a moment but then often lead to just wanting more of those. We’re not satisfied.
Pursuits based on intrinsic motivations, those which come from inside, from our core being, these are the ones which do lead to deep satisfaction and happiness.
Success which is based on our deep-seated interests, values, talents and purpose is the type of success which fulfills us and brings us a richer, more meaningful life.
It’s time to explore our definitions of success and shift them to reflect our purpose, our family, friends & community.
Need some resources to get started?
Stakeholder Exercise
found in Timothy Butler’s book Getting Unstuck: A Guide to Discovering Your Next Career Path
The Stakeholder Exercise invites us to explore the people in our lives who might be impacted, or be a stakeholder, in the decisions we make. As we think about those people (spouse, parents, siblings, business colleagues, etc.), what is their own life like and how might they view your life and decisions? Maybe they grew up with a scarcity mindset if their household struggled. Maybe they are risk-adverse. Maybe they just don’t value the same ideals that you do. By understanding their own perspective and then how that might influence us we can start to explore what WE believe. Send me an email and I’ll be glad to send you a worksheet for this one.
As we explore our beliefs and values in this new light, it’s a great time to get really clear on what our ideal life looks like. Who are we with? What are we doing with them? What are we doing to live our purpose? What type of person do we want to be?
Defining Our Values
The more clear we can be about exactly what our values are, the more aligned we can be with our decisions, including what goals to set and what success looks like for us.
We can hold up our values and ask, will this path, this decision, this choice I’m making reflect my values?
Here’s a list of values to start with. I recommend selecting a dozen quickly. Then coming back to them the next day to narrow it down to five.
If you’re interested in other exercises or sessions to work through your own intrinsic motivations, please connect!
